I think

Well I think I've discovered something today. I don't think I'm really meant to get married. As much as I would really like a companion and to serve as a wife and of course sex, I really think God is calling me not to get married. That is real odd for me to say even odder for me to think but it's quite possible. It would easily solve my dislike for children, yet I could help them, it would make traveling to missionaries much easier. It really would make my kingdom work much much easier. Also, it would give me the independence that I’ve always wanted. While I'm all for submission to husbands now and that kind of thing the independence that I’ve wanted from that has turned to not desiring a husband at all. I don't know what I'll do with my desire to cuddle and such things maybe find a gay friend or something I donno but I do know that the thought of marriage has slowly leaving my heart. Especially today in class after talking on singleness and divorce and just learning what the bible says about marriages, it wasn't discouraging i think it just opened my eyes to a new set of desires finally not looking towards my own wants but the desires of God. I don't know what this will mean in the long run, but for now it definitely changes how I look at guys and how I interact with guys. I'm finally able to see them as brothers in Christ and not potential or not potential husbands or dates. It really is a HUGE relief to be able to do that. I hope that even if girls are meant to get married that they can have relief from that as i have or maybe they never struggled with it which is a great blessing. I just know that God really has changed my heart as I have so many times asked that my heart conform to His. I'm so grateful and excited about it. I just pray that He continues to work in me like this so that all the little temptations I have towards marriage or intimate contact are slowly put aside or erased and filled with a longing to serve in the Kingdom.